Failure
by AliseEve
Summary: Woody thinking about the events at Sunnyside. Toy story 3 spoilers. Contains Material that may be disturbing to some readers, reader discretion is advised.
1. Chapter 1

Probably not exactly what the poster was looking for but I am trying. Inspiration comes from a prompt on Disney_kink, and this story Hoping to Forget Wanting to Remember on this site. I do not own Toy Story and did not write the above mentioned fic.

Failure 1/?

I'm surprised they still look up to me sometimes. I was the one saying no toy gets left behind, yet there I was, leaving them. I'd thought it would be good for them. Sunnyside looked perfect, so different from my memories of daycare. It looked like a paradise; he made it sound like one. But I was Andy's, we were Andy's, and I was going back. They wouldn't believe Andy meant to put them in the attic, and they wanted to be played with. They wanted to stay, I had to go back. I hate myself for that decision. Hate myself for not protecting them. I'm the sheriff. I'm meant to protect them, yet when it really came down to it I left them. I keep disappointing them. I keep getting them hurt.

I pushed Buzz out a window, and almost got him killed by Sid.

I abandoned everyone to go to Japan, and almost tore our friendship to shreds.

I couldn't save those we lost over the years, I let them be taken.

I insisted we would be fine, I insisted Andy would play with us one day.

I couldn't save them from the trash when Andy's mom accidentally took them.

I couldn't convince them to stay.

I left them in Sunnyside, insisted Bullseye stay with them.

It's my fault Lotso was able to hurt my family. I know this. All of them were hurt a lot by their time in Sunnyside. I still don't know the whole story, but I know they thought I was dead. I know they were kept prisoner. I know Lotso switched Buzz to Demo mode. I know the caterpillar kids played rough with them.

I know something happened between Buzz and Jessie. I know from the nightmares that plague both of them nearly every night, and I know from the talk Buzz had with me not long after our arrival at Bonnie's. I don't know the specifics, but from what I was told I can guess.

My little sister was raped by my best friend, and I can't hate either of them. It wasn't Buzz's fault he was put in Demo Mode, and it wasn't Jessie's fault. They were both victimized so much during their time at Sunnyside.

Buzz lost a part of himself, first from demo mode, then from Spanish mode, then from knowing but not being able to recall what he did.

Jess lost some of her happiness. Sure she doesn't act much different, but I can see it, and Buzz can see it, hidden in her eyes. Her smile is not as big, her eyes not as bright.

That is what I regret the most, that's why I slipped into the box. I failed them once. I won't fail them again.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors Note: Here is part 2 Hope you enjoy

Failure 2/?

I knew they had been hurt, my family almost died because I couldn't keep us together. I wasn't going to let them get hurt again. If I was going to make sure I wouldn't fail them again I had to be with them. I will love Andy to the day I die, but if I was to protect them I had to be with them, so I slipped into the box and went to the bottom, ignoring the questions of my friends.

That was one of the hardest things I'd ever done, I failed Andy just as much as I failed the others.

I pushed his favorite toy out the window because I was jealous.

I am the reason he cried himself to sleep.

I abandoned him to save myself, not for any other reason.

I gave up on him when my arm ripped.

I gave up on him when I almost went to Japan.

I gave up on him when Bo was sold.

I gave up on him when he put me in the toybox with the others.

I gave up on him when I left the college box.

I failed him when I couldn't stop the others.

I failed him when I put myself in the box with the others.

I caused my owner pain.

I don't know what to do anymore. I put up a front so maybe they won't see what a failure I am. Sometimes I know they see through it. I won't hurt them by telling them. I won't cause them more pain.

So I become the Sheriff. Not Woody, Woody is a failure, a worthless old hand me down, but the Sheriff, the protector. I make sure everyone is happy in our new home. I promise Buzz I will kill him if he goes Demo Mode. I comfort Jessie when she needs it. I make sure the Potato Heads get time together, away from their kids. I listen to the stories of Sunnyside when anyone needs to talk. I pretend it doesn't affect me, but I need to know how I failed all of them. I don't let them see my shame at what I caused.

Then late at night when they're all asleep is the one time I can be Woody. Be the failure I know I am. I climb to the windowsill and stare at the stars, thinking of ways to pay them for everything I put them through.

I don't sleep anymore.

I don't deserve it.

I am a failure.

I don't deserve their friendship.

I don't deserve their love.

I deserve nothing.


	3. Chapter 3

I failed them again. I caused them pain. I caused them worry. I tried, tried so hard to be strong, to stay for them. I tried to be there for every nightmare, for every problem, for every time they just needed to talk. Then I got ripped again. I was so stupid. I didn't check when I was walking and making sure everyone was okay. I was so tired, then it happened. I slipped on the marbles Bonnie had left out. I felt my feet fly out from beneath me. I felt my side tear as a pair of scissors, left from a craft project, broke through my cloth body.

Then I heard them, saw them surrounding me, saw the worried, horrified, and fearful expressions, and I knew. I knew I had hurt them. I deserved this.

Then there was darkness.

I'd thought that was the end, I knew where broken toys ended up, I'd almost been there...no I had been there thanks to Lotso. But now I couldn't hurt them anymore. I wouldn't be there to fail them again. Buzz and Jessie, and Dolly would be able to lead the toys, much better than I could.

They were better off without me.

I should have known they wouldn't let me go without a fight.

I didn't deserve them.

I expected it to be the end, to wake up in a dump if I woke up at all.

Instead I woke cuddled in Bonnie's arms, my friends sitting awake beside me. I could feel the familiar tug of stitches in my side along with the little girls arm wrapped tightly around me. I could hear the mumbled voices of my friends as they talked quietly trying not to wake the little girl. I shifted a bit, trying to sit up to tell them to stop worrying and sleep, to be the sheriff for them once again, only to start slipping into darkness again as the worried faces of Jessie and Buzz entered my vision.

Once again I was a failure.

Once again I worried them.

Once again I let them down.


End file.
